My sweetest little boys,
Today is your first birthday and we have survived! I really cannot believe that one year of your lives has passed. One year ago, I looked like a blimp. It was around 5AM on Monday when I awoke with back cramps and decided to go to the potty. As soon as I stepped out of bed, woooosh. My water broke on the bedroom floor. I said, "Clay, my water just broke." Daddy jumped, and I mean jumped, out of the bed so quick and turned the lights on and the race to the hospital was on. I was surprisingly calm and made my way out to the car. It only took us 3 mins to get to the hospital. Daddy got me a wheelchair and we got checked in. The nurses tried to prep me for a C-section immediately, but Daddy & I put up a fight. The Dr. on duty refused to deliver you naturally and told us we would have to wait until the shift change so that's what we did. At 7AM the new Dr. came on. She had never delivered twins naturally, but was willing to try if both of you were head down. I knew you were because I had just had an ultrasound 2 days before and I knew you hadn't moved. So in came the ultrasound tech to confirm, and yep you were both head down. A few hours later we were moved to the labor & delivery room. Then Nana & Grampa got there. I had to get an epidural just in case any complications (Maceo) occurred during delivery, and they did so I'm glad I got it. A few hours into labor I was ready to go. In came the army that was to deliver you boys. It really was about 10 docs and nurses to take care of us. But it turns out that my epidural had just come out. They had to put it back in a second time. I was 9.5 cm dialated at that point so I was feeling full on contractions. A couple of hours after they put in the second try epidural I was ready. I started to push with just the midwife. No docs were even in the room yet. A mere 20 mins and 5 pushes later, at 2.12PM Enzo came into this world. I actually looked at your daddy and said, "that wasn't bad, I can do it again!" I got to hold you and I cried. Nana & Grampa came in the room to see you and then the nurses wooshed you off to the nursery. I tried to push Maceo out, but then he turned. The nurses and midwife pushed on my belly to get you to turn back down again, but it wasn't happening. Mace, you actually ran to the top of my belly. They did another ultrasound and about 47 mins later at 2.59PM you came out by way of C-section. They had to call in a second doctor to help because you were so far up in my belly...you weren't ready. The C-section was the scariest part of the whole thing. Then they took you with all the tubes and wires hooked to you. I cried again. And then I was off to recovery. Unfortunately, I was a little out of it your first day of life due to the pain meds. But as soon as they would let me out of the bed we went to the nursery to see you. It was actually 2AM and you were in separate rooms. I got to hold you both and it was scary! Actually shocking.
Thank goodness they let you stay in the hospital a few days after delivery, because I was in total shock. I still kind of am. I left the hospital after 4 days and had to leave you two in the NICU. You stayed for a total of 11 days, but you received the best care there. You had your own nurse and they all were super. Daddy & I came to see you 3-4 times everyday and to feed you. The day we took you home I was so happy! I had cried everyday that you were in the hospital. It was so hard to leave you there.
I can't explain the shock that came when you entered the world. You changed my life for the best. I've learned more about myself this year than ever. I have experienced true humiliation parenting you. Everyday that I get to see you two is the best day, EVER! You make me so happy. You two are a blessing. You've pushed me more than anything in my entire life and made me happier than I've ever been. You make me question every decision I make, but also make me feel more confident that I am doing the right thing than ever before. You've tested the strength of my relationship with your Daddy. This has been the toughest year of our marriage, I'm not going to lie. We are figuring out our new roles and responsibilities and life is getting better everyday. I love your Daddy more than ever...he gave me you two, and we get to share in raising you! You've given me the toughest job I've ever had, but the most rewarding. I think of you every second of every day and your well being. Hearing you, seeing you, holding you, playing with you, really just being near you is truly the best thing! I actually have a hard time leaving you...ask your Daddy. I want so much for you and would do anything for you. My dears, you'll never know how much I love you! Thank you for coming into my life, giving me the joy of being your Mother, and loving me even when I've done wrong. You are only getting more & more fun and I can't wait to share every year with you. So, happy birthday to my sweetest, handsomest, smartest, and funniest little boys!
love you so much words cannot explain,
mommy
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